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I
mean the story for this film is pretty obvious I suppose, considering
the title is 'The Search For Spock'. Although I still think
that a better title would have been Star Trek 3: Finding Nemoy.
The previous film ends with Kirk
shooting Spock's dead body out of the Enterprise, jettisoned towards the
planet Genesis. It was the perfect blend of sci-fi, funeral, and
fly-tipping. Coincidently, the planet in question has an atmosphere
that apparently allows things to come back from the dead, which is
lucky. Somebody should book a flight to it for Lindsay Lohan's
career. Before Spock died, he conveniently popped his memories
into Bones' head, which was also pretty lucky. It was basically like saving
onto a USB a few seconds before your computer crashes. Kirk discovers
this when he finds McCoy acting as though he's been possessed whilst
sitting in Spocks bedroom. To be fair, I suspect that the odder of
Star Trek's fans have done
much stranger things in their rooms with their Bones.
The mission therefore is to travel to Planet Plot Contrivance where
Spock's body has been resurrected and plonk his memories back into his
head. Did I mention that Spock is a child now? No? Well, he is. The
planet brought him back as a kid because it somehow knew that Nemoy
was directing and wanted to save him the job of acting too. Honestly,
this planet is so useful. If only it had written the script to the
first fucking movie too!
So was it shit or not then?
With
this, it was as though they'd turned my dead Granddad into a movie. I didn't love it, but you know.. I didn't hate it. The biggest problem
that the film really has is that it seems to exist exclusively as a
way of un-doing all the drama of the previous movie. Kind of in the
way that the X-Men franchise now seems to exist with the sole purpose of undoing the events of X-Men 3. The
main difference obviously being that, unlike X3, Wrath of
Khan wasn't a steaming puddle of
piss. Actually, speaking of X3, do
you remember when McKellen gave the shittest ever delivery of the
phrase 'what have I done'?! Well, it turned out that Shatner actually
had him beat all along. Kirk witnesses the Enterprise explode and
attempts that line with the same level of bored emotion that I have when holding a conversation with my family. Having said that, it's kind of a shame that
Shatner has now descended into tedious self-parody because he's
actually pretty good in these. Well, there is another moment in which
he reacts to the death of his son in the style of Jim Carrey shitting
his pants, but I guess nobodies perfect.
I did like this film too, to a degree. I was really excited to finally
see the Klingons and even more excited when I found out that the main
one was an angry Christopher Lloyd looking like he'd smeared himself
in shit and then rolled about on a barbershop floor. It was fun
watching the young Spock grow up over the course of ninety minutes
too which is something that the average Star Trek fan hasn't managed in up to
fifty fucking years. The theme of movie is regarding how far friends
will go for each other and here we learn that if one friend assumes
another friend is dead and then finds out that he was wrong... he'll
go and pick him up. I'd like to think that I have friends that would do
that for me. So poignant.
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