18 December 2016

What Is The Chance Of Success?

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Whether it be The Scorpion King from The Mummy franchise or a bit of dog shit from a bike tyre, spin-offs are not always very enjoyable. Rather than being a cash-in however, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is like a kid on the last day of school. You're still attending class and therefore have to abide by the bulk of the usual rules but so long as you don't do something too stupid like reveal the teacher's blatant alcoholism or out the caretaker as a nonce, then you're mostly left to do what you want. Well, in that vein, Rogue One is still very much a part of the Star Wars universe, but one that's not shackled to every single one of the tropes of the main episodes. So gone are the old familiars of an opening text crawl, the Jedi, and incest, only to be replaced by a much more gritty, much more self-contained story of blowing up.. well.. the Death Star. I guess some things never change and although we might not be so bound to the intergalactic episode of The Jeremy Kyle Show that is the Skywalker family, you can never have too many films in which a rag-tag gang of survivors must fight to destroy cinema's most devastating disco-ball.

11 December 2016

Face To Face With Greatness

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Disney's latest film Moana tells the story of a teenage Polynesian girl that wants to run away from home. However although most teenage girls that runaway from home do so for dangerous reasons, such as the fact that they've put their trust into an older man with a nice car and a predatory agenda, Moana simply wants to save her island from a destructive curse. To do this she must hunt down a demi-God named Maui who is essentially responsible for all of the troubles that she's suffering, which must be nice for her. I mean, as a society, we're all used to a God being at the heart of our troubles, but unlike everybody else that's ever been gullible enough to believe in one, at least she knows that hers isn't total made-up bullshit. Her adventure involves travelling overseas, which is something that her father has strictly forbidden her to do because it's dangerous and he has some common sense. However the girl's dying Grandma is at a point in her life where she clearly doesn't give a fuck about anything and so encourages our hero out on her suicide mission. The old woman also thinks that once she dies she'll turn into a giant stingray looking thing that'll no doubt help the plot out at some point. I don't know why she wants to be a giant stingray but I'm going to guess she's not a fan of Steve Irwin.

4 December 2016

Have Filmmakers Run Out Of Ideas?

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It's easy to say that filmmakers have run out of ideas when screens are full of sequels, remakes, and whatever the fuck piece of shit Batman V Superman was meant to be. In fact, this is something I heard two middle-aged men bitching about the other day and I suppose it's easy to see why. I mean look at what's on right now... Ben Hur and The Magnificent 7? It's like we're into the remake part of the studio named 'Stuff that Dad's might like'. Sadly my Dad is more into drinking himself into an early grave and remaining married to his miserable bitch wife than he is in seeing films, so I ended up going to The Magnificent 7 with a friend instead. I should point out at this point too that as terrible as I'm sure it is to admit, I haven't actually seen the original. Sorry. I guess I'm rarely sat in front of the television on Easter Sunday. It's just one of those things that's been on my 'to do list' for ages along with completing The Wire and either figuring out what the fuck my life is about or finally going through with the car exhaust, hose pipe, window trick.