25 March 2019

We Need To Talk About Us

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Usually when you leave the cinema and the person you're with says that they want to talk “about us” it means that you shouldn't have hidden your dick at the bottom of the popcorn box. With Jordan Peele's latest movie Us though, the very fact that most people will be leaving the cinema and saying “we need to talk about Us”, is pretty much what makes it so brilliant. Us is a Rorschach test of a movie in that it gives enough for you to know that there's a subtext but not so much that the subtext is branded onto your bollocks and obvious for everyone to see. It's the kind of movie that'll live on because everybody will have their own theory as to what it's actually about with 'duality' being the only thing that I suspect that we'll all agree on. The film seems obsessed with the idea that one single thing can hold two opposing meanings or ideals with the broader message being that we can be our own worst enemies. So when you're leaving the cinema and the person you're with says, “we need to talk about us”, there's always the chance that they mean, “I'd like to talk about the themes of the film we've just seen”, whist at the same time also meaning, “plus you're dumped for putting your dick in the popcorn box”.

19 March 2019

Spring Is The Bush Porn That It's Okay To Love

Have you ever heard of bush porn? Because as far as I'm concerned directors Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead's film Spring is essentially the movie equivalent of bush porn. I have no clue why this was the case but before the internet was a thing it was quite common to find discarded porno mags within random bushes in the park. Well, like that bush porn from my early teenage years, I have no idea how I discovered the film Spring but I am 100% glad that I ended up coming across it. Interestingly enough I wasn't entirely sure how to describe this movie because I don't want to give away some of its surprises but Wikipedia has it listed as being a romantic body horror. If you can think of a more fitting term to describe some of the fucking grot that I saw when discovering some bush porn than 'romantic body horror' then I'll be impressed. For me, Spring is kind of like Call Me By Your Name in that it's about two people falling in love in a foreign country except that Spring has a surprise that's even grosser than that movie's 'eating the jizzy peach' scene.

11 March 2019

Seeing Captain Marvel As A Whole

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With the release of Captain Marvel, it seems that Hollywood has come a long way. I'm just looking at the IMDb trivia for that film in particular and it claims that due to lead actress Brie Larson's allergy to cats that all of her scenes with the feline of the movie were filmed with either a puppet or a computer-generated VFX. In 1939's The Wizard Of Oz the actor playing the Tin Man had a reaction to his make-up which left him in the hospital and at death's door. Could they have changed the make-up for him to return to the role? Probably. But when somebody starts acting like a fucking diva and demanding that you don't kill them then why the fuck should you bother? Plus if he's moaning now then you can only imagine how much of a pain he'd be in a later scene when finding out that the prop snow being thrown in his face is actually asbestos. None of that is a lie either by the way and so you know that if they'd made Captain Marvel back in the day that they'd have just smeared that fucking cat all over Brie Larson's face until she either developed an immunity to it or dropped the fuck dead. Not that they'd have even made this movie back in the day, because, who the fuck wants to see an action movie with a woman in the lead role?

4 March 2019

Snow Country For Old Men

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I know that they say that there's no such thing as bad publicity, but I reckon that telling a journalist that you once wanted to cosh an innocent “black bastard” to death is probably taking a risk. Cold Pursuit is the movie in which Liam Neeson was allowed to open his mouth, and like a cat shitting glitter we all just stood around and screamed, “what the fuck is coming out of him?!” Many argued that Neeson was a racist and should be 'cancelled' as though he's a fucking subscription channel, whereas others figured that, 'meh, no harm, no foul'. Personally, I take the not-so-nuanced view that wanting to batter a black man to death is probably a little bit racist in the way that jabbing a screwdriver into your eyes might be a little bit fucking dangerous. However, that's not to say that I think that Neeson himself is a racist. Based on the shame that he claimed to feel, and the way in which he volunteered the story out of nowhere, I think that Neeson has evolved to the point that he understands how abhorrent his actions were. I also think that society would be better off learning from a person's mistakes instead of shutting them down for admitting them. What made a person think that was the right way to act and what changed their mind? Isn't that a more interesting discussion than simply whether or not Neeson still deserves a career? I mean, have you fucking seen Taken? He was pushing it with that shitty fucking franchise alone.