A Boiled Toad Of A Movie

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The X-Men series used to work as a metaphor for those that felt as though they were considered a minority within our society. Black people could relate to the idea of being unjustly treated as a second class citizen and gay people could relate to the idea that if they didn't want to wear spandex then leather was considered their only other option. As the series has progressed though, it seems that there's now an even smaller minority of people that might be drawn to it and that's the four people left on planet Earth that actually still give a shit about these films. I know that coming out to your family must be a difficult thing but after I told my Mum that I didn't hate X-Men: Apocalypse, it wouldn't have been unfair for her to ask, “Have you tried not being a stupid twat?” But out and proud I am when it comes to my love of the X-Men movies. Sure there might have been a few bad ones like Apocalypse, Last Stand, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, and The New Mutants. But let's not forget that this is the franchise that really started the comic book movie boom in 2000 and even more recently, the Deadpool series and Logan have been fucking great. Oh and in case you've not heard of The New Mutants then it's an X-Men film from a few years back that's so terrible that the studio still hasn't released it. If movies were children then The New Mutants is the one that you keep locked up in the attic and feed on a diet of fucking fish heads.

Black Heroes Matter

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Saying that there are too many superhero movies is a bit like claiming to be a “stable genius” in that the only realistic response to both should be to ask, “what the fuck are you talking about?” Both Thor: Ragnarok and Justice League are technically 'superhero' movies but do they have any real similarities? The former was like getting stoned and watching Masters Of The Universe through a kaleidoscope whereas the latter was like stumbling over in the dark and getting dog shit in your eyes... except in that case you kind of hoped you'd go blind. Black Panther is the latest film to be released within the Marvel Cinematic Universe and again it couldn't be more different from what's come before. I guess when people think of 'superhero' movies they think of a super-powered nobody putting on a mask to protect their identity before going out to fight crime. And I suppose Black Panther does wear a mask to fight things. But so do Mexican wrestlers and nobody seems to include them despite how many dwarves they defeat. Rather than tackling crime though, Black Panther is actually about a newly coronated king as he attempts to protect the throne of his advanced albeit isolated African nation from an outsider that's understandably bitter about colonisation and the treatment of his race. To dismiss that as 'just another superhero movie' would be like indiscriminately breathing in carbon monoxide on the grounds of “fuck it.. it's all just gas”.

X-Men: Business Class

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