With Another Reboot Comes Great Responsibility

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It seems that these days Spider-Man reboots are a bit like people called Dave.. there's just so fucking many of them. After Sam Raimi's third Spider-Man threw so much shit at the wall that it ended up choking to death on the fumes of its own ineptitude, we got The Amazing Spider-Man. Andrew Garfield's Peter Parker was okay, with the biggest problem being that he was playing a high schooler that looked old enough to be a Junior Manager at a struggling PR company. You could almost hear him saying, “Lose the 'The' in The Spider-Man; it's cleaner”. However the biggest problem of that rebooted series was that it seemed like it had almost no understanding of the franchise itself. Christopher Nolan's Batman movies worked so well because he made a film that was completely in tone with its title character. However The Amazing Spider-Man failed because rather than looking at Batman Begins and making a film that finally fit their character, they instead looked at Batman Begins and simply tried to make Batman fucking Begins.

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Who the fuck ever knows what they want to do with their lives? Obviously I know what I'd like to do but, unless you happen to know of a private island that treats its bloggers to blowjobs then I guess I'll have to head back to the drawing board. How To Train Your Dragon 2 is all about this train of thought, with the lead character ‘Hiccup’ also struggling to find his place in the world. Having said that, it is interesting to see just how his situation differs to mine. When I was unemployed, my Mum genuinely suggested that I become an escort for lonely old women whilst a close friend actually recommended that I start “performing” for cash on a webcam. Both Hiccup and I are at a point in our lives where we just feel a bit directionless however at no point here does this film present him with the only two choices that I had. Will he fuck the hell out of some ageing, wrinkled tarts or will he wank himself stupid for some dirty old men? No... he'll just hang out with his dragon and explore a fantasy land until he figures it all out. What a prick!