Hunger Games was one of the few films that I went into almost completely blind as
I hadn't really paid any attention to the trailers and I sure as fuck hadn't
read the books. As it turned out though
I actually thought it was pretty fun...
If there's any kind of tween movie that might appeal to me then I
suppose it'll be one set in a dystopian future where the penniless peasants are
tormented by a ruling class of pantomime bastards. I also liked how it vaguely
hinted towards being a satire of reality TV in which shitty, shite shows such
as Big Brother and The Apprentice have been replaced by a
Government ordered infanticide. Stealing the povvy kids and then throwing them
into a gladiatorial arena to broadcast their brutal deaths might seem a bit
extreme but now that Breaking Bad is over I guess we all have to watch something. I know these 'games' exist to
keep the locals on their best behaviour but I'm too old to be picked, I hate
children and I'm yet to produce any demented spawn of my own. If I lived in the
world of this film, I'd be rounding up kids to fight like I was the fucking
child-catcher for all the shits I could give about them. Still, as I say the
first film was quite enjoyable and reminded me that it really has been too long
since I last saw Battle Royale. I know the fans get really pissy when
that Japanese Classic is mentioned but it's not insulting to highlight a
comparison and they really are similar, so you know... sorry, but tough shit.
So I went into the first one blind and
decided to do the same for The Hunger Games: Catching Fire too. At this
point, Katniss is now just trying to get back on with her life after the horror
she's been forced to endure. She's got a family to look after, is suffering
badly from the trauma of her previous murders and only just has enough time to
toy with the hearts and souls of the two men that she claims to be in love
with. She's also being wheeled about on tour like the fucking elephant man
where she's presented to the grubbier towns and forced to vomit out a speech
load of bollocks. Because if you're a mourning parent, nothing makes you feel
better than being buttered up by the bitch whose refusal to die is the direct
cause of your own child’s horrendous death! Despite this though, Katniss has
become quite the figure of hope since the last film with her climactic suicide
attempt being seen as an inspirational message of “fuck you” to the twats in
charge. To be fair if we have to have a face plastered on every T-shirt and
adorning the walls of every clichéd students’ bedroom then Jennifer Lawrence
does place moderately higher than Che Guevara in a round of 'rate the hotties'.
Because of this apathy killing bullshit, Donald Sutherland's President Snow
begins to ponder how best to get rid of Katniss before the ungratefully abused
begin a tramps’ rebellion. Thankfully though, and just in the nick of time,
Philip Seymour Hoffman arrives straight from the set of some other film to
suggest that they simply sling Katniss back into the arena. Because it is
conveniently the 75th year of slaughter-joy, it is announced that
all surviving previous winners will be forced to play together in a kind of
ex-kiddie-slayer/Avengers style cross over.
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| In case you've forgotten, the chap on the right is 'Boring Pete'. |
Okay so let’s start with the obvious
problem which is that tragically, this poor little thing has been struck down
by a bad case of middle-film syndrome. I guess what I mean by this is that if
you haven't seen the first one then you're going to be pretty fucked in terms
of following everything here. It just kind of assumes that you'll know who the characters
are and it doesn't really explain exactly what they've previously been through.
There's one scene in which the little girl who was killed in the last film has
had her image painted onto the floor to taunt Katniss. However if you'd
forgotten or simply didn't know the importance of that character then it just
looks like some poor unfortunate has suffered the flattening effects of a
parachute failure. This didn't bother me personally because I'd seen the
previous film and I really don't care about people who aren't me, however what
did piss me off was the film’s end which was so noticeably absent it was like
somebody had suffered a dicky fit and spontaneously decided to kick us out of the cinema. I mean yes, some
vaguely climactic fuckey-uppery had just gone down but nothing suggested that
we were only seconds away from the credits. I understand that we now live in a
world where the next film is more important than the current one but it would
be nice if we were left with at least a small feeling of resolution… The Marvel
films are obsessed with the idea of an ongoing story but every single one of
their entries has still managed to both continue the overall narrative and
remain admirably stand alone. Maybe this will be more forgivable once the The
Hunger Games franchise has
concluded and I can see everything in context but right now it was just a full-on
pain in the tits.
The other problem I think is that despite
not explaining the last film too well for any newcomers it does kind of go on
to just replay it beat for beat. The first hour is spent explaining why Katniss
is going to be taking part in the games and the second half shows her attempt
at surviving them. In terms of a broad arc, these two films are about as
different as chalk and cheese... if the cheese was also made out of chalk, which
is kind of a shame really because I actually think that this second film is
better than the first in almost every single way. Previously the focus was on
the happy slashing of children however this time there is a lot more emphasis
on simply enduring the experience. The gang of misfits that form together to
survive are, I think, actually a lot stronger this time around with some even
daring to adventure further than the land of archetypes and almost into the
crazy world of being proper characters. There's a little old lady that turns up,
for example, who shows more emotion in her crusty Grandma Death eyes than some
tween films even achieve in their entire franchise. I don't know if the biddy was
an actual actress or not but by the way in which she gets Yoda-style piggy
backs everywhere I'm pretty sure she must have been created within the Jim
Henson Workshop.
Having said that, when it comes to the
games in Catching Fire, there are two very distinct groups of people...
There are the 'almost characters' that I've just mentioned and then there are
the 'very much not characters', who unsurprisingly don't do so well. Take it
for granted that every-time the canon is fired and an image of a newly deceased
is shown, you'll almost definitely wonder who the fuck they were. In fact it's
almost like a short term memory test in which they flash up a photo of some
random extra and then you have to try and remember which scene they were
probably in. I suppose there's also a kind of minor third group too who are
the, 'very much not characters but who are also very obviously cunts'. These
are the shit stained, arse holes with sharpened teeth and bollocks for faces
that are hyped up before the games begin and who are presumably meant to be this
films lethal gang of killer twats. However once everything kicks off, we almost
never see them again as Katniss instead finds danger simply from the
environment. Not that this isn't thrilling in itself but it just seems odd to do
so much setting up only to ultimately go and fuck it off. Instead, the majority
of the excitement instead comes from destructive tsunamis, mental monkeys and a
fog that causes such bad acne that anybody to get caught by it simply drops
dead from shame.
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| I've always been a fan of subtle films... |
In terms of huge improvements, I think that
this film really did a great job of helping the colourful Oz-like world of The
Capital mesh with the poorer district's depressing plot of dirt. For me, one of
the biggest faults previously was the way in which the two contrasting looks
didn't blend at all. It was like watching a character travelling from the grit
of Deadwood towards the camp glitz of an Elton John stage show where
he's frumping about in full Dame mode. I can't say for sure how they've fixed
this but I imagine it's probably in a slight shift of the colour pallet so that
the leap from misery to money isn't quite such a wanking-hand slap to the face.
I also thought the special effects in general were a lot better here with
pretty much everything on screen seeming perfectly real to me. Well, I mean
Stanley Tucci's teeth didn't look real as they were so blindingly white that
they required the use of a pinhole viewer to see, however these were obviously
exaggerated to prove a point. It seems like the effects budget of the first film
was spunked onto maintaining Wes Bentley's demented beard. Now that he's gone I
guess they had the money left over to ensure that the effects were now more
effective than shoving some bubble-gum under your eyelids and then face
planting some clip art.
I suppose I'll conclude now by just
mentioning what it actually is that makes Catching Fire so great and
explain the reason for the blog title. The one thing that alone justifies the
price of the ticket is simply Jennifer Lawrence. There are so many things that
are great about her that I'm pretty sure that the only logical way that I can
truly express my appreciation is to now just use my cock to type out the word
LOVE. We live in a sexist world in which most big films only really cater to
fourteen year old boys who would probably much prefer to ironically download it
illegally having recently discovered -and prioritised- masturbation. As such,
Katniss is a really important character considering that she's not only a
strong non-man but she's also a non-man that has her priorities right. There
are two slightly dull guys trying to love-hump her and although she kind of
messes them about a bit, she knows that above everything surviving is the
number one goal. Whereas most females on film only exist to validate the
masculinity of the main character through the use of some downstairs gushiness,
Katniss is both completely independent and also a rabble rousing hero to the
smelly old down-and-outs. Obviously the most famous female revolutionary in our
history is probably Joan of Arc who is clearly an inspiration here with one
clue being Katniss's burnt-at-the-stake style of dress. I therefore decided to
call the blog, “I know how Joan of Arc Felt”, because despite being male I was
still able to relate to the lead character. I felt that this title might
highlight the fact that it's about time that filmmakers realised that our
species actually consists of two genders and that it might be about time to
start representing both a little more equally. Perhaps even more importantly
than that though, the title is also lyrics from a song by The Smiths of whom
I'm a huge fan. If you already knew the reference then we can be friends. If
you didn't then I really do hope you enjoyed the film but as far as 'me and
you' are concerned it would simply never work. Sorry.. and see you next blog.
Follow this blog or I'll fucking cut you.
