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Showing posts with label The Hunt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Hunt. Show all posts
16 March 2020
From One Extreme To The Other
6 January 2014
Suspecting The Worst
If you've not yet seen The Hunt yet then
cancel everything and get the fuck to it! It's a genius slab of drama that
focuses on the trauma an adult can suffer when accused of introducing a child
to his fleshy man-dick. I know the film has been out a little while but due to
life’s incessant bullshit, I'd somehow unknowingly avoided it for far too long…
however like the irregular schedule of the bastard bus, you wait forever for
one pedo-film and then two come along at once. Only a couple of weeks after
buzzing off The Hunt, I recently caught up with the pervert-tacular
Prisoners. Both films take place during a holiday, begin with a deer hunt
and feature the fucktarded consequences of spontaneous vigilantism. The
difference between the two is that in The Hunt you know that the accused
is innocent of his crime. Prisoners on the other hand is a bit more of a
kiddy-fucking free for all.
Prisoners tells
the story of two families whose Thanksgiving is ruined when they misplace their
daughters like a set of shitty car keys. Luckily though there was a greasy
looking critter parked outside their house all that day in a large pedo-mobile
who probably knows where they are. One of the missing girls’ dads, played by
Hugh Jackman, therefore makes the logical decision to kidnap the oddball and
punch the living shite out of him until he talks. I guess he just figured that
the chap would be more likely to co-operate if choking on his own teeth and
being screamed at by fucking Wolverine. Meanwhile, detective Donnie
Darko is on his own mission to find the girls and uncovers so many more
pedo-ish suspects that the area starts to resemble a holiday camp for retired
BBC presenters. The plot set-up then is simply that there are several potential
kidnappers with Jackman's character already having picked his 'molester du jour’
before even glancing at the full menu. What plays out is therefore just a
classic game of nonce-roulette in which you take one of several local creeps,
crack open their head and then hope to fuck that you had the right one.
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| You've got to love There's Something About Mary... |
On the bright side, there's no doubting
that Prisoners is a good film. In fact for the first two-thirds there's
an enjoyably suffocating Zodiac-esque feel to the thing as it attempts
to establish itself as being both sombre and weighty. Helping this is of course
the predictably brilliant acting in which Wolverine and Donnie
Darko do their best to inflate their unblinking eyes to blood-shot and
bulbous levels of intensity and anguish. Nothing hammers home the serious intentions
of a film more than having your two leads stare so hard that their face veins
explode in a way that only naturally occurs during anal rape. Although both men
are indisputably impressive throughout, I think that for me I was perhaps most
impressed by Gyllenhaal. I guess that you kind of expect intensity from Jackman
because he's most famous for playing an angry twat with knives up his hands, however
Gyllenhaal has had to fight to be taken seriously as an adult against the curse
of his annoyingly handsome but boyishly dopey face. Here though he manages to
believably play a demented detective so successfully that I almost didn't mind
the odd haircut that made it look as though he was being scalp fucked by a
tattered doormat.
If they're on one side though then I
suppose we should also have a little look at their rivals over on Team Nonce.
Sadly though, I kind of think that this is one of the areas that the film kind
of lets itself down in as it lazily just reaches into the big bag of pervert clichés.
Paul Dano plays one of the twitchy suspects and don't get me wrong- he is as amazing here as he usually is in
terms of immersing himself in the role. I don't know what it is about Dano
considering I know nothing about his real life but for some reason I really
think me and him could one day be friends. Although that might just be because
of his mute performance in Little Miss Sunshine and my desire to know
somebody who literally has no choice but to listen to my everlasting drivel…
However as great a performance as it is, his character couldn't be more
classically pedo if he walked around with his cock disguised as a new born
puppy. As the other suspects show up they too all have a look about them that's
so sinister that you'd be forgiven for an involuntary scream of “FUCK OFF,
CREEPER” if you passed them in the street. Films like Hard Candy and The
Woodsman went someway to showing that the most dangerous thing about a sex
offender is that they don't necessarily look like monsters. They could be
anybody, anywhere and at any time, but here with their greasy hair, twitchy
energy, bullet proof glasses and the pin-prick, tiny eyes of shrew, they
couldn't be anything fucking else.
The other festering cock of a problem is
pretty much the entire third act which, in my opinion, kind of undermines
everything that had been done over the previous two arse-numbing hours. Like I
said, the film has a moodiness to it that suggests a degree of realism and
importance however the concluding third just goes a bit fucking mental. I won't
spoil the details but it's like the plot slips over and accidental falls tit
first into the boring world of the bog-standard thriller- the kind where some
dick of a main character starts acting like the worlds thickest plank and walks
gormlessly into the gaping, toothy snatch of the villain. Real life is both
dull and as predictable as fuck and does not contain as many twists as this
story attempts to suggest. If a little girl goes missing then the odds are
she's dead- killed by either the school caretaker or her pervy uncle. What
starts off as a downbeat, gritty depiction of child abduction concludes with so
many bullshit 'surprises' that it's like a weird pedo-sequel to Ocean's
Eleven. It's a shame too because everything starts off pretty great, it's
just that when it comes time to explaining itself, it kind of starts to fuck
up. Maybe if they'd gone for the gothic horror of Silence of the Lambs, the
conclusion would have rang slightly more believable. It's like that moment when
you ask somebody who’s lying a question and suddenly they get stumped and
splutter out some panicked bollocks that sounds so much shitter than the
previously prepared story of crap.
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| Anyone who uses a Blue Shell is a dick. |
Still the whole thing is still pretty
enjoyable for the most part. It's just such a shame that for a film that's
about two and half hours long the story still seems to have bigger, gaping
holes than an eighty year old whore. If they could just re-write the end and
then squeeze the bagginess out of it then I think you'd end up with a movie
worthy of its performances. Although, to give credit where it's due in regards
to the end, there is a pretty cool high-speed car scene in the middle of heavy
snow as the driver's head-wound gushes blood into their eyes. The film was lit
by a cinematographer named Roger Deakins whose work, for those who don't know,
is the human equivalent of having your eye gauged out by a golden paintbrush.
Everything he works on has his unmistakable stamp of beauty on it and this is
no exception. However this speeding car scene near the end is almost painful in
its artistic genius. With the snow, the blood and the passing neon signs,
there's so much colour being seared into our retinas that everything starts to
look like Mario Kart’s
Rainbow Road if it had been designed by a psychopath.
Prisoners is
a good film that's just nowhere near perfect. If you have a few spare hours and
there's nothing else to do then I recommend you give it a go. On the other hand though, The Hunt almost
is perfect and as I said at the start, you should go check that out before it's
too late and we're all dead. They're both very enjoyable but if you only get
chance to relax to one film about child abuse this year then really, it isn't a
hard decision as to which you should go for. I don't regret having paid to
watch Prisoners at all but if I'm honest I don't think I'd pay to
own it on DVD. If however I was lucky enough to trip over the frozen corpse of
a rotten tramp and he had a copy of it in his lethally chilled begging-claw
then I would be more than happy to steal it from him and I'd appreciate the
repeat viewing. But only under those circumstances.
21 October 2013
The Girl Who Cried Pedo
There's no denying that if you're
trying to get shit to stick then you can do a lot worse than calling
somebody a kiddie fiddler. Take my friend’s neighbour for example
who, about five years ago, was genuinely sent to jail for abusing his
very young grand-daughter. From that point on he'll forever be known
as a paedophile no matter what he does. Say the same guy wakes up one
day and discovers that one of his kitchen cupboards contains a portal
leading directly to heaven, he'd instantly become the most famous man
on the planet- I mean, he would basically be discovering proof of God
so how could he not? But if that did happen, now and
after he's been to prison the printed headline most news papers would
actually go with would still be something like, “Creepy Nonce To
Definitely Burn In Hell”. I'm not saying that that's a bad thing
either, by the way. I'm pretty much of the opinion that even if you
did do something great like say... oh, I don't know... direct
Chinatown... then as brilliant as whatever you've done might
be, you'll still never be excused for your unforgivable rapeyness.
However that's not also to say that as a society we aren't maybe a
little bit over-paranoid about the boogeyman breaking in and you
know... fucking our children.
Over the years there's been
surprisingly few films that examine the sexual damage that a fully
grown adult can inflict on a minor. I guess Hollywood just feels that
those stories might not have the feel-good conclusions that audiences
flock to piss their cash all over. As a result, each one that does
get made kind of focuses on a different aspect of the world of the
kiddy fiddler. For example, 2004's The Woodsman looked at what
it might actually be like to be a paedophile whereas 2005's Hard
Candy was more concerned with the joy of chopping off their
fucking balls. I'm not sure if it's the most recent pedo-centric film
to be released but the other day I saw a new entry on the subject
called The Hunt. This movie was directed by Thomas Vinterberg
who people may remember as being the co-creator of the pretentious
dogma 95 movement along with the worlds most awkward Nazi, Lars Von
Trier. Here however Vinterberg has kindly made a film in the
conventional manner that this time tells the story of a school
teacher who is falsely accused of being a pedo by some six year old
little bitch.
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| "Can you show me on the doll how big his cock was?" |
The teacher in question is played by
the always phenomenal Mads Mikkelsen who is shunned from his
community with more haste than a leper with an erection. As it turns
out, the lying little tart is his best friend’s daughter who, to be
fair, does deny her life-destroying claims as soon as she witnesses
their consequences. However thanks to this blanket of fear that we
all seem to live under, the adults don't care about her retraction
and instantly set about finding proof of her evil teachers cuntish
ways. They bombard the child with leading questions until she's so
confused that she doesn't know what she's admitting to and then they
tell her what they imagine happened. Within a couple of days the
bastard-stupid school that Mikkelsen worked for has convinced every
parent that their kid was probably maliciously jizzed over causing
them to start an ill-informed rampage of revenge. At no point to us
is the accused’s innocence under question with the film more
interested in the escalation of the witch hunt and the idea of mud
sticking. As I mentioned at the beginning, as hobbies go, society
isn't too fond of child abuse and so we tend not to forget the name
of those who practice it. I suppose that in the end the message of
The Hunt is simply ‘who really needs evidence when you've
got so much fucking hate?’
Before watching the film I kind of knew
I'd love it because it was getting such a positive reception and I'm
a huge fan of Mikkelsen however I didn't expect to love it quite as
much as I did. I think I've mentioned it in another recent blog but
I'm kind of a sucker for some self-controlled annoyance and so for me
this was a field day of irritation. Every time some idiot parent
jumped to the wrong conclusion or vilified the innocent man I wanted
to scream at them for being such a fucking dickbrain. I mean, it is
good that we care about the wellbeing of our younglings, but it's the
way everybody is so happy to destroy a good man’s world with so
little actual proof. The only evidence that they have is that the
young girl briefly claimed it and according to them, “Children
never lie”. I mean are you actually kidding me? I might be knocking
on now but it's not been that long since I was a kid and I'd lie all
the god damn time if I needed to. In fact I knew one little girl who
took a dump in the middle of the street and told me to tell everybody
a dog had gone and done it. Now that wasn't exactly the fucking truth
was it?!
However I suppose the main reason that
I got so pissed off with these fucking idiots is because of
Mikkelsen's performance as their victim. If I didn't care or couldn't
empathise with the shitty-as-shit situation that he'd been forced
into then the impact of the mobs retarded determination wouldn't be
quite so powerful. The film constantly threatens to go into Straw
Dogs, Rambo, one man against everybody territory, but
intelligently never actually goes there. Instead, Mikkelsen's
character withdraws from public only seeking to defend himself if
directly accused. Considering the abuse he's receiving some might see
him as being a pussy for this, but it does make sense. He's clearly
suffering from the shock and stress of what's going on and any act of
defiance really would cause the locals to run for their torches and
pitch-forks. It is frustrating that he often fails to stand up for
himself but it is perfectly believable behaviour considering the poor
guy is also having the shit kicked out of his existence. I guess it
would be the happiest day of the mobs’ collective lives if they
could brutally murder a 'pedo' in self-defence and with no sense of
mercy.
I don't want to spoil anything but this
all builds to a supermarket standoff that is more emotional than
watching a dying puppy get smothered by its sobbing doggy mother.
It's at this point too that I noticed the similarities between The
Hunt and another masterpiece; We Need To Talk About Kevin.
Both films feature an adult being shunned by the town because of
some fucking idiot kid and both depict the grimness of trying to do
the weekly shop when surrounded by glaring, judgemental twats. I have
basically no conclusion for having pointed that out but it's still
worth knowing in case you ever fancied a gritty, grim-tastic double
feature. I also enjoyed the emotion of the very end in which
regardless of what actually happens, the mental scarring that the
teacher has picked up is hinted towards. To be fair, if I could draw
a face that represents a damaged psyche I would probably go for
Mikkelsen's which is like a sunken eyed, Skeletor that's been
garnished with a slither of Danish skin.
It's also a good time to see a film
like this as we in England seem to be having a bit of a
nonce-epidemic right now. Since the death of the pervy creepophile
Jimmy Saville, pretty much anybody born before 1959 has been accused
of sticking a part of themselves up someone who’s several un-grown
pubes too young. Although there's no denying that pretty much all of
them have the sinister face of a twisted pervert, some of them have
also somehow been found innocent. However when it turns out that
somebody like British television host Jim Davidson isn't guilty, the
phrase we use to break the news is still, “He got off with it”…
which kind of implies that even though he's been proven not to
have done anything we still think he did and just got away with it.
Even I can't believe that Davidson wasn't guilty although I suspect
that’s more down to my dream that the hate-filled cunt would one
day get shivved to death in the yard of some grotty prison. I guess
the doubt that we retain about those sinister looking entertainers is
the same doubt that the village would have for someone like
Mikkelsen. Sadly for him though he doesn't have the expensive lawyers
or high security walls that our great nations child loving
entertainers can unfortunately afford.
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| "If you see it, you suck it!" |
Anyway, so as you can probably tell I'm
waffling now which is usually a sign that I don't know how to end
this shiz. So I'll just say that you should see this film
because it's amazing. In Casino Royale Mikkelsen played a
character called Le Chiffre who is one of my all time favourite Bond
villains. Despite his character doing something as risky as gambling
away his terrorist-clients money though the stakes in The Hunt
are actually a lot higher for him. Le Chiffre suffers from a
condition which causes his eye to randomly weep blood known as
heamolacria. However if he went to prison for as long as your average
paedophile does, it wouldn't be his eye that was dripping with blood
but the rip in his systematically raped, arsehole. And with that
image I'll call this a day. Bye everybody!
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