There's no denying that if you're
trying to get shit to stick then you can do a lot worse than calling
somebody a kiddie fiddler. Take my friend’s neighbour for example
who, about five years ago, was genuinely sent to jail for abusing his
very young grand-daughter. From that point on he'll forever be known
as a paedophile no matter what he does. Say the same guy wakes up one
day and discovers that one of his kitchen cupboards contains a portal
leading directly to heaven, he'd instantly become the most famous man
on the planet- I mean, he would basically be discovering proof of God
so how could he not? But if that did happen, now and
after he's been to prison the printed headline most news papers would
actually go with would still be something like, “Creepy Nonce To
Definitely Burn In Hell”. I'm not saying that that's a bad thing
either, by the way. I'm pretty much of the opinion that even if you
did do something great like say... oh, I don't know... direct
Chinatown... then as brilliant as whatever you've done might
be, you'll still never be excused for your unforgivable rapeyness.
However that's not also to say that as a society we aren't maybe a
little bit over-paranoid about the boogeyman breaking in and you
know... fucking our children.
Over the years there's been
surprisingly few films that examine the sexual damage that a fully
grown adult can inflict on a minor. I guess Hollywood just feels that
those stories might not have the feel-good conclusions that audiences
flock to piss their cash all over. As a result, each one that does
get made kind of focuses on a different aspect of the world of the
kiddy fiddler. For example, 2004's The Woodsman looked at what
it might actually be like to be a paedophile whereas 2005's Hard
Candy was more concerned with the joy of chopping off their
fucking balls. I'm not sure if it's the most recent pedo-centric film
to be released but the other day I saw a new entry on the subject
called The Hunt. This movie was directed by Thomas Vinterberg
who people may remember as being the co-creator of the pretentious
dogma 95 movement along with the worlds most awkward Nazi, Lars Von
Trier. Here however Vinterberg has kindly made a film in the
conventional manner that this time tells the story of a school
teacher who is falsely accused of being a pedo by some six year old
little bitch.
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| "Can you show me on the doll how big his cock was?" |
The teacher in question is played by
the always phenomenal Mads Mikkelsen who is shunned from his
community with more haste than a leper with an erection. As it turns
out, the lying little tart is his best friend’s daughter who, to be
fair, does deny her life-destroying claims as soon as she witnesses
their consequences. However thanks to this blanket of fear that we
all seem to live under, the adults don't care about her retraction
and instantly set about finding proof of her evil teachers cuntish
ways. They bombard the child with leading questions until she's so
confused that she doesn't know what she's admitting to and then they
tell her what they imagine happened. Within a couple of days the
bastard-stupid school that Mikkelsen worked for has convinced every
parent that their kid was probably maliciously jizzed over causing
them to start an ill-informed rampage of revenge. At no point to us
is the accused’s innocence under question with the film more
interested in the escalation of the witch hunt and the idea of mud
sticking. As I mentioned at the beginning, as hobbies go, society
isn't too fond of child abuse and so we tend not to forget the name
of those who practice it. I suppose that in the end the message of
The Hunt is simply ‘who really needs evidence when you've
got so much fucking hate?’
Before watching the film I kind of knew
I'd love it because it was getting such a positive reception and I'm
a huge fan of Mikkelsen however I didn't expect to love it quite as
much as I did. I think I've mentioned it in another recent blog but
I'm kind of a sucker for some self-controlled annoyance and so for me
this was a field day of irritation. Every time some idiot parent
jumped to the wrong conclusion or vilified the innocent man I wanted
to scream at them for being such a fucking dickbrain. I mean, it is
good that we care about the wellbeing of our younglings, but it's the
way everybody is so happy to destroy a good man’s world with so
little actual proof. The only evidence that they have is that the
young girl briefly claimed it and according to them, “Children
never lie”. I mean are you actually kidding me? I might be knocking
on now but it's not been that long since I was a kid and I'd lie all
the god damn time if I needed to. In fact I knew one little girl who
took a dump in the middle of the street and told me to tell everybody
a dog had gone and done it. Now that wasn't exactly the fucking truth
was it?!
However I suppose the main reason that
I got so pissed off with these fucking idiots is because of
Mikkelsen's performance as their victim. If I didn't care or couldn't
empathise with the shitty-as-shit situation that he'd been forced
into then the impact of the mobs retarded determination wouldn't be
quite so powerful. The film constantly threatens to go into Straw
Dogs, Rambo, one man against everybody territory, but
intelligently never actually goes there. Instead, Mikkelsen's
character withdraws from public only seeking to defend himself if
directly accused. Considering the abuse he's receiving some might see
him as being a pussy for this, but it does make sense. He's clearly
suffering from the shock and stress of what's going on and any act of
defiance really would cause the locals to run for their torches and
pitch-forks. It is frustrating that he often fails to stand up for
himself but it is perfectly believable behaviour considering the poor
guy is also having the shit kicked out of his existence. I guess it
would be the happiest day of the mobs’ collective lives if they
could brutally murder a 'pedo' in self-defence and with no sense of
mercy.
I don't want to spoil anything but this
all builds to a supermarket standoff that is more emotional than
watching a dying puppy get smothered by its sobbing doggy mother.
It's at this point too that I noticed the similarities between The
Hunt and another masterpiece; We Need To Talk About Kevin.
Both films feature an adult being shunned by the town because of
some fucking idiot kid and both depict the grimness of trying to do
the weekly shop when surrounded by glaring, judgemental twats. I have
basically no conclusion for having pointed that out but it's still
worth knowing in case you ever fancied a gritty, grim-tastic double
feature. I also enjoyed the emotion of the very end in which
regardless of what actually happens, the mental scarring that the
teacher has picked up is hinted towards. To be fair, if I could draw
a face that represents a damaged psyche I would probably go for
Mikkelsen's which is like a sunken eyed, Skeletor that's been
garnished with a slither of Danish skin.
It's also a good time to see a film
like this as we in England seem to be having a bit of a
nonce-epidemic right now. Since the death of the pervy creepophile
Jimmy Saville, pretty much anybody born before 1959 has been accused
of sticking a part of themselves up someone who’s several un-grown
pubes too young. Although there's no denying that pretty much all of
them have the sinister face of a twisted pervert, some of them have
also somehow been found innocent. However when it turns out that
somebody like British television host Jim Davidson isn't guilty, the
phrase we use to break the news is still, “He got off with it”…
which kind of implies that even though he's been proven not to
have done anything we still think he did and just got away with it.
Even I can't believe that Davidson wasn't guilty although I suspect
that’s more down to my dream that the hate-filled cunt would one
day get shivved to death in the yard of some grotty prison. I guess
the doubt that we retain about those sinister looking entertainers is
the same doubt that the village would have for someone like
Mikkelsen. Sadly for him though he doesn't have the expensive lawyers
or high security walls that our great nations child loving
entertainers can unfortunately afford.
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| "If you see it, you suck it!" |
Anyway, so as you can probably tell I'm
waffling now which is usually a sign that I don't know how to end
this shiz. So I'll just say that you should see this film
because it's amazing. In Casino Royale Mikkelsen played a
character called Le Chiffre who is one of my all time favourite Bond
villains. Despite his character doing something as risky as gambling
away his terrorist-clients money though the stakes in The Hunt
are actually a lot higher for him. Le Chiffre suffers from a
condition which causes his eye to randomly weep blood known as
heamolacria. However if he went to prison for as long as your average
paedophile does, it wouldn't be his eye that was dripping with blood
but the rip in his systematically raped, arsehole. And with that
image I'll call this a day. Bye everybody!
Follow this blog or I'll fucking cut you.
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