The Rolling Stones once
sang that 'you can't always get what you want' which I learned when I
stood on, then slipped off the edge of the bath, cracked my cock on the sink, and
ended up in hospital whilst playing 'Tarzan' as an eight year old.
That same year I did quite well in my SATs which are a set of school exams
that don't really count towards anything at all. Kind of like a
degree but cheaper. As a result my Granddad gave me five quid which I
was excited to spend on a toy of Han Solo. I'd just seen
Star Wars
for the first time during its
1997 re-release and my brain was still reeling from the experience.
I'm almost fucking thirty now and based on the Millennium Falcon that
I have hanging from my bedroom ceiling, I'd say that I probably never
quite recovered. You'd think therefore that I'd be excited by the
prospect of a Han Solo prequel, but I wasn't. I didn't want it. Why
would I want a Han Solo film without Harrison Ford? And isn't the
original trilogy essentially his origin story as we watch him go from
scoundrel to hero? Luckily the film was to be helmed by Lord
and Miller who have made a career out of bad ideas.
21 Jump Street
sounded shit and who the fuck is
going to enjoy a movie based on Lego? I didn't want a Han Solo film
but with these two in charge, the very fact that it felt like a bad
idea made it perfect for them. You can't always get what you want
though and just as the idea sounded exciting, the pair were fired over
'creative differences'. On the bright side my cock did recover after
I whacked it on the sink. Just in case you were still wondering about
that.
