Showing posts with label Jumanji. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jumanji. Show all posts

16 December 2019

This Film Could Reshape Your World View

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Does anybody know what fucking number movie Jumanji: The Next Level is? I'd been calling it the third one because there were clearly two that came before it but then somebody in work was referring to it as the second because they were too young to have remembered the Robin Williams one from the '90s. Fucking young people. Maybe they were right though, with these more recent ones counting as reboots because that first film had people fucking about with a board-game but now the characters seem to be going into a video-game instead. Plus if we're including the Robin Williams original as still being part of the continuity then technically we're also including that film's forgotten sequel Zathura: A Space Adventure aren't we? So that means that Jumanji: The Next Level is the second instalment if there's been a reboot, the third if there's not been a reboot, and the fourth if there's not been a reboot and we're counting Zathura. And why the fuck wouldn't you count Zathura at this point? I suppose this new one could technically be the third too if we were ignoring the very first Jumanji but still counting Zathura but I'm disregarding that as that would clearly be fucking madness. Anyway, I know the meaning of life now. I figured it out whilst watching this new Jumanji movie, in fact. Since I now know all that there is to know about the nature of our very existence, I need the little questions about which number in the franchise this new film is to keep my mind active. You want to know about the meaning of our place in the world too? Then go and watch this film, I guess!




7 January 2018

They've Got Fun And Games

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Jumanji is an average film that people remember as being better than it was because nostalgia is a drug and we all love Robin Williams. That original movie involved playing a magical board-game in which animals spawned out of it and caused mass devastation on the real world. Although I'd argue that it still wasn't quite as destructive as the average game of Monopoly can be. We once played a game in which - I swear to God - one friend attempted to avoid going bankrupt by offering fucking blow-jobs around. Considering the popularity of the original film, it's odd that it's taken over twenty years for a sequel to come out and I have no idea why that might have been? Maybe Robin Williams was reluctant to return? Or maybe there was a sequel in 2005 called Zathura: A Space Adventure and everybody forgot it instantly? I guess we'll never know. To keep things fresh, this sequel decides to do things a little differently to the original. Rather than being about a board-game releasing a load of animals into our world, it's about a video-game that sucks people into its world. Just to write that again so you can take it in without shitting your pants.. this is a sequel that dares to do something new. Thank God it wasn't a Star Wars movie or people would be pressing rape charges against it for ruining their childhood about now.