What's Going Down In The Town With The Clown?

Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Podcasts

The first It film made more money than a coin-operated vagina and, as such, the sequel was greenlit about as fast as I reckon that coin-operated vagina would likely need cleaning. I'm sure that you saw that first film but in case you've forgotten, it was basically about a gang of young friends that explored the sewers before each attempting to batter an old clown to death with a fucking stick. I guess the clown kind of deserved it though because beyond anything else he was a clown, and the only people to dress like that are either serial killers or out to start a fight with fucking Batman. Like Simply Red's Mick Hucknall, Pennywise the Dancing Clown is a pale ginger freak that seems designed to haunt the nightmares of anybody that encounters him. Unlike Mick Hucknall however, Pennywise isn't satisfied by only murdering a person's ears, preferring instead to terrify them to their very core before eating them and feeding on their fear. Although if you can think of anything more terrifying than being forced to listen to a Simply Red playlist then you obviously have a more horrific imagination than I do. 

Subscribe to the podcast!

King Of Clowns

Join us on Facebook!

It tells the story of a creature that is tormenting the children of a town called Derry by taking the form of their biggest fears. Imagine a 1970's BBC presenter but that lives in the sewers and has slightly less embarrassing hair and you're basically there. A few years ago I got a little too stoned, downed a boiling-hot mug of hot chocolate, tried to tug myself off, felt ill because of the drink, accidentally fell asleep, and then woke up six hours later with chocolate caked around my mouth and my cock still in my hand. If I'd seen this shapeshifting monster as a child then I'm pretty sure that it'd have known my biggest fear and simply transformed into how I am now. Based on the 1986 novel by Stephen King, this film will forever join John Carpenter's The Thing on a list of titles that will sound like you're providing zero information to non-film fans that have just asked “What did you watch last night?” Or at least it would if it didn't seem like this film was already more popular than sliced bread, the Minions, and the concept of sending 'dick-pics'. When the first trailer for It went online it broke all records for the amount of views that it had, and, if how full the screening that I was in is anything to go by, the film will likely do very well at the box office. Although if the screening I was in is anything to go by then I'd like to ask the marketers to in future stop making their films seem so appealing to stupid fucking cock-munchers that can't sit the fuck still or shut the fuck up for a couple of hours.