Wes Anderson's vastly underrated The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou tells the story of an oceanographer that intends to hunt a rare shark after it had previously eaten his friend. When he finds it, his plan is to kill it, although he's not quite sure how yet.. “maybe dynamite”. When asked what the scientific purpose of killing the shark might be, Zissou thinks for a second and then deadpans his response, “revenge”. Jason Statham's latest film The Meg is pretty much that exact same movie but rather than having the genius stylings of Wes Anderson and the comedy God Bill Murray, it has The Stath and a massive fuck-off Shark. Did you see the film Spy in which Statham played an exaggerated version of his on-screen persona? Well in that he's constantly exaggerating about all of the mad shit that he's supposedly done and it wouldn't be out of the question for him to have claimed that he'd kicked a pre-historic shark in the fucking teeth. In which case I'd say that The Meg is actually a remake of The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou but if the script had been re-written by The Stath's character from Spy.
After
Inglorious Basterds and
Fury, Allied is
another film in which Brad Pitt has some sort of issue with the
Nazis. Here he must go into enemy territory and masquerade as Marion
Cotillard's husband, which must be nice for him. It's good to know
that the war wasn't all doom and gloom. They parade themselves as a
couple in front of Nazi soldiers with the intent of killing one
specific one when the time is right. Their cover must therefore be
absolutely convincing as married partners, so, good for them for
portraying their relationship as being one with literally fuck all
chemistry. I guess they are pretending to be a newly married couple
and I hear that marriage gets a bit tedious after a while. Therefore
the sparks that are flying between them are flying about as
effectively as a budgie chained to a
bowling ball and after suffering a broken fucking wing. Eventually shit goes down, bullets start flying, and the
two become a Mr and Mrs Smith for the Churchill generation... so, Mr and
Mrs Schmidt, I guess.
