A New Fantastic Point Of View?

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Aladdin might be a cautionary tale of what happens when you wish for selfish things, but that doesn't mean that we don't then all spend the film wondering what we'd do if we found a genie. I'm quite happy with the size of my dick so I wouldn't wish for a bigger one. But I'd still like it to be more impressive so I think that my first wish would be for every other man on the planet's dick to be shrunk by a couple of inches. Kind of like how Goldfinger planned to irradiate the world's supply of gold with the exception of his own in an attempt to make his more valuable. Like that but with dicks. I'd obviously want more wishes after that but one of the rules is that you can't wish for any more than the three you're given. So I think that for my second wish I'd simply ask for the power of a genie myself. Just the power mind you. I wouldn't want to actually become a genie because my third wish would be for an Order 66 of the genies. A large-scale mass execution of magical beings in order to ensure that nobody was ever capable of challenging me or preventing me from exercising my own fucking will. Not that I'd do much after that I suppose. I'd probably just make chocolate healthy, create a second season of Joss Whedon's Firefly, and then Thanos snap about ninety-five per cent of our shit species away because most people are dickheads and I fucking hate them. I'd also wish for less of these pointless fucking live-action Disney remakes because at this point they are really starting to do my tits in now. 

It's Snoring Time

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Who remembers Power Rangers from back in the day? It was basically a playground code word for 'lets have a fight'! You'd find somebody that you didn't really like, invite them for a game of Power Rangers, and then spend the next thirty minutes kicking the shit out of them. I was always White Ranger because I was male and, most importantly, I was white. If anything was ever squarely designed to wean kids onto the BNP it must have been fucking Power Rangers which put labels onto its characters and then colour co-ordinated the shit out of them. Pink Ranger was the girl, Black Ranger was a black guy, and Yellow Ranger was.. well, I'm sure you can guess. Apparently the chap that played the original Blue Ranger ultimately felt that he had to leave the show because of his sexuality and the rampant homophobia that was prevalent behind the scenes. In which case, I'm honestly fucking surprised that he didn't morph into the fucking Rainbow Ranger with his assigned Zord being a 70ft mechanical recreation of Freddie Mercury on all fours.