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I
don't like sports, however that's not to say I have anything against
sports movies- so long as they do something more inventive than spunk out
the usual shit about being an underdog. Despite the obvious appeal of
watching Stallone get his face punched in, I'm not a huge fan of Rocky however I'm certainly willing to turn my back on anybody that doesn't love Raging Bull. Of
all the sports to have films about them, it seems like boxing is the
most popular which I suppose is simply due to the dramatic ways in which
people can get their mush fucked up. I thankfully haven't been exposed
to that much crap but I did see Goal a little while ago and obviously hated it. Like
football itself, I guess I just found it hard to feel much tension over
some smug little shits ability to use his over-valued trotters to nudge a
ball into a net. Obviously that's not a blanket rule and I'd always
have an open mind but the general thing seems to be that sports films
are better when they're about the player and not the game. With this in
mind and considering what I said before, I'm surprised there hasn't been
more films about racing cars. Are they even called 'racing cars'? Because
when I read that back just then, it sounded like it was written by a
child with learning difficulties... Fuck it- they're cars and they race
so I'm not wrong to say it. Anyway, I'm surprised there haven't been more
films about racing cars because they can have the same guff around them
in terms of story but it's broken up by some high speed chases. I
wouldn't ever watch F1 by choice but in terms of movies, I can't see
anything unappealing about interesting characters being blasted around a
track in a fuck off car that's using a rocket as a butt plug.
With this in mind then I'm sure that you'll understand that I was very much looking forward to seeing Ron Howard's film Rush.
From what I knew of it, the idea sounded exciting enough and I quite
like Thor so what's not to enjoy? Well, I suppose there's Ron Howard but
as much as he directed such arse-dribble as The Da Vinci Code, he's also the man who brought us Angels and Demons too
so... no, you're right, he's not the best director but as those in the
know will know, he still makes a damn good narrator. Anyway, so Rush tells the story of two suicidal fucks who raced these deathmobiles
back in the ancient times of the 1970's. James Hunt and Nikki Laude are
two men who couldn't be more opposite if they tried with one being fun,
good-looking and charming and the other being German. Well, he's
Austrian but to the rest of the world it's basically the same
difference. He's weird looking and and
an efficient worker which sounds German to me. Throughout the course of
the film, we watch as they both rise up through the ranks and struggle
with their various personal issues, whereas Hunt struggles to avoid
having a drink, Laude
is simply a miserable cock who'd rather spend more time ensuring he
doesn't die in a fiery death of burnt flesh and mangled limbs than have a
good time... What a fucking jobsworth!
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| This looks like fucking Rainbow Road! |
I
suppose the biggest problem however is that although everything is
great, the whole thing occasionally feels a little too mainstream at
times. Not that there's anything wrong with being mainstream I suppose,
it's just a slightly more rewarding experience when a film takes at
least a couple of risks. There are moments here where literally
everything we can see is being mumbled at us from a crowd of Basil
Expeditions as though my brain might not quite be smart enough to keep
up with the concept of what a race is. I understand that not everybody
is into F1 and so might not know all the rules but I also understand
that I'm one of those people and my IQ is slightly higher than that of
an inbred dog trying to gnaw off its own dick. The supporting characters
too are painted rather broadly with Britain in the 1970's looking as
though it was populated by a crowd on their way to a Slade concert. I
think it doesn't help the film either that it is released in the shadow
of the documentary Senna which dealt with a similar subject to this but in a much more absorbing and informative way. I couldn't give two shiny shites about all these racing cars but even I have to admit that Senna was more gripping than an arthritic whore during the peak hour of the wanking shift.
However
like I say, this was a really great film which is partly down to the
action scenes and is also down to the performance of its two lead
actors. On the characteristic side is Thor who bounds from scene to
scene whilst trying to fuck anything with a couple of tits after
seducing them with his plumby British accent. He's basically what I
imagine Austin Powers thinks he is. Laude on the other hand is also
brilliantly played by Daniel Brühl
who really has the harder job of having to make an unlikeable twat
sympathetic. Although to be fair, as events play out the way they do, it's
not that hard to eventually feel bad for the poor fucker. I have almost
no knowledge of F1 history and so when the thing that happened to him
happens, it's a complete shock. One minute everybody's having a great
time playing race cars and the next he's got a hoover in his lungs and
has committed himself to the Harvey Dent look. I'm trying to be vague in
case people reading don't know what happens but I imagine I've probably
given it away anyway... Fuck it- it's history... You can't spoil
history and it's hardly a twist because it's in the trailer. The film
was written by Peter Morgan who, after his excellent work on Skyfall, is hard at work on James Bond 24. Well, if he's struggling to find a freakish villain for his next film then he could do worse than a ratty little Austrian with a melted face.
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| These were definitely not happy days! |
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