As far as the story goes, that's pretty
much all there is to it. In fact it seems ironic that for a film as technically
brilliant as this, everything about it kind of smacks of simplicity. Gravity
presents itself as one of the more intellectual sci-fi films out there with
posters and trailers hinting more towards Tarkovsky and Kubrick than Lucas and
Spielberg. However there are a lot of big themes explored in 2001: Space
Odyssey and even Solaris has a shit load more ideas than it does
story. In fact if you want a heads up about Solaris then I really
suggest that you go for the remake instead which is fairly faithful in terms
of concept but thankfully has a running
time that feels about four days fucking shorter. Compared to these two monoliths
of the genre, Gravity really only has the one main theme running through
it and that is the idea of rebirth.
 |
| To infinity and beyond! |
The characters themselves are also fairly
simply drawn with Bullock playing a timid rookie with a tragic backstory and
Clooney playing himself as a kind of live action version of Buzz Lightyear. In
regards to Clooney being Clooney- well, that's fine because he does it well and
he seems like he'd be a good guy to hang out with. Woody Allen only ever plays
himself and nobody ever complains about that and he's even at a point where if
he doesn't appear on screen, he just casts somebody else as his-fucking-self
instead. Clooney's calming charm also works really well against Bullock's
slightly more jittery newcomer who seems about as comfortable in outer-space as
a nun might during an explosion at a rubber-cock factory. As simple as the
characters are however both actors are absolutely phenomenal with Bullock
actually delivering the performance of her career. I know it might seem hard to
believe but she really is better in this existential space thriller then she
was in such modern classics as The Lake House, The Proposal and Speed
2: Cruise Control. Urgh... For a great actress, she hasn't half done a lot
of shit in her time.
The rebirth elements come in as Bullock
attempts to not only get home but also get over her crappy-as-crap past. After
the initial disaster takes place she finds herself floating in a small pod
where she strips off her suit and ends up curled into the foetal position. This
is one of the many nods towards the main theme with another coming near the end
in which a character has to metaphorically crawl out of a primordial soup akin
to that first cheeky bastard of a fish that thought it could walk. It's also
fun to notice that when Bullock strips off in the pod, the scene plays out like
an homage to the opening of Barbarella but where you're expected be thinking rather than wanking. Although
having said that, Bullock does look amazingly great for a woman who is almost
fifty and well over half way to probably being dead. People keep saying that
this is the first film to actually justify being seen in 3D and from the moment
she started to strip off it became blatantly obvious as to why that might be.
Anyway, so as well as Barbarella, the
film also contains references to Wall-E, Star Wars and even
Jaws. In fact director Alfonso Cuaron is even on record as saying that the
structure of the film was inspired by Spielberg’s Duel which was about a
demented Lorry driver that couldn't help but act the twat. It may look like a
classy type of film but the reality is that Gravity couldn't be more of
a popcorn-munching slab of trash if it wanted to be. As thrill-rides go, this really
is the cinematic equivalent of an adrenaline shot to the cock. From the moment
things go proper titty-slapping wrong, the pace barely relents as at every
possible opportunity everything goes from bad to completely fucking worse. You
know the opening of Raiders of the Lost Ark in which Indiana Jones
escapes one trap only to jump right it another dick rash of a problem? Well Gravity
is like that kind of bullshittery but with the added challenge of there being
no gravity or stability and only a glass helmet to stop Bullock's arse hole
being sucked through one of her eye sockets.
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| Suspense as Bullock remembers where she stored the love eggs. |
On the surface this really does look like a
Kubrick film with the most painfully precise camera movements and even a
story that's blatantly reminiscent of that bit in 2001 where Hal became
a big red knobhead, however below that and despite the posters, it really is
just a Spielberg-ian roller-coaster in which a couple of big ideas are twinned
with action that's so gripping that it could shatter a pensioners wrinkled old
fingering fingers. In fact there's only really one bit where everything kind of
grinds to a halt in a scene that may possibly divide audiences into those who
like it and those who didn't. Without spoiling anything, it's the odd bit
nearish to the end when Bullock is visited by a kind of guardian who provides
her with an answer to one of her biggest noodle-scratchers. Personally I
thought this scene was excellent but I can see why people might disagree with
it... Firstly it is a little out of the blue and secondly we can't all be
right. This bit also kind of hints towards the other smaller theme of the film
which is about finding spirituality. But it's not really hammered home too much
and isn't exactly the most original of ideas for a film like this to probe.
Although for the record, when this film is out on DVD, I am going to have a
fucking amazing night watching a triple bill of Gravity and the tonally
similar Moon and Sunshine. Being single is great because it means
I can do that kind of thing without having to worry if my loved one minds! On
the downside I'm currently likely to die both alone and unloved. Ah well...
swings and roundabouts.
So I think it's obvious that I really loved
this movie and if you still want to be one of the cool kids then I really
suggest you check Gravity out. Every so often there'll be a Matrix or
Inception type film that marries quality with action and unites both
critics with paying audiences and that's exactly what this is. If we want more
original movies that dare to show some intelligence then paying to see Gravity
really is a step towards making it happen. I guess I'll therefore conclude by
also saying that the special effects too are absolutely phenomenal as we're
treated to the most spectacular glimpses of the Earth and stars that I've ever
seen on the big screen. In general I do hate 3D films with a passion because, to
put it technically, the effect is both pointless and shit. I was forced to see Thor:
The Dark World in 3D recently and as I said in that blog, it was like
staring into a dark void through a layer of greasy, man-jizz. However the
rumours are true and if there's one film to see in this format it really
is Gravity. If the curvature of Bullock’s arse isn't your cup of tea then
to see the curvature of our planet like this really is a movie experience that
I don't think I'll ever forget. The images on show in Gravity couldn't
be more beautiful had they been farted onto a silk canvas by God after having
drank a litre of paint from an angel’s vagina. This film really is as good
as you've heard.
Follow this blog or I'll fucking cut you.
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