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Today
I went to the cinema to see Zombieland:
Double Tap and
I got absolutely fucked by one of my many enemies. You all have
casual enemies right? He's this big fucking gonk that checks your
tickets before you're allowed into the screening and he's such a
fucking jobsworth about it. I have one of those cards that means I
can see as many movies as I like and not only does he make me show it
to him every single time but he then spends about ten seconds
checking my fucking face against it too. This would be fine but I
visit so often that I see this prick more than I see my own fucking
Mum. It's insulting that he doesn't just recognise me. When he says,
“can I see your card?”, I hear “my God your face is fucking
bland”. My friend and I swapped cards once and the guy got so
confused when checking our faces that I thought he was going to give
himself fucking whiplash checking them.
Today
he was at the counter instead and so I decided to order a cup of tea
off him. I think that's what I ordered anyway because what he then
gave me looked like a warmed up cup of milk that had been left out in
the fucking rain. Had I not seen him make the monstrosity then I'd
have assumed that he'd milked the cow directly into the cup and then
ran around the other side to catch its fucking tears. It was like
he'd only ever heard of how to make a cup of tea in a dream and as the kettle boiled, the memory faded and he'd decided to fucking wing it
anyway. Had he wanted to check my face today then he'd have seen me
pondering exactly how shite a cup of tea has to be before it becomes
a fucking police matter. I don't mean to waffle on about this but if
I ever happen to remember this day at all then it won't be because of
Zombieland:
Double Tap.