Better To Reign In Hell

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There are lots of reasons that people didn't like Prometheus, however I'd cite the big smile on the zoologist's face as he attempts to stroke the fucking space-cobra as being one of the main ones. Rule number one of going into space.. don't stroke the fucking space-cobra! But before we judge that movie too harshly, perhaps we should have a quick look at the franchise as a whole. Alien is obviously a masterpiece; Aliens is one of the greatest sequels of all time; Alien 3 is like seeing a facehugger accidentally latch on to the anus of the franchise; and Alien: Resurrection is what happens when that misplaced Chestburster explodes. It should go without saying too that I don't acknowledge Alien Vs. Predator or it's even shittier sequel having agreed with its tagline of “Whoever wins, we lose”. So essentially I'd guess most peoples love of this series is actually down to just the good-will of the first two movies alone, with one of the franchise's biggest problems being its struggle to survive without Sigourney Weaver. I mean, just look at the fourth movie which jumped through so many fucking hoops to try and include her despite the fact that her character had died in the previous movie. If Prometheus should be credited for one thing it's that it figured out a way of continuing the franchise without her. If it can be criticised, it's that it forgot to put the fucking alien in it too.

One Of The Good Ones

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I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that we all look forward to finding ourselves with a good old Woody. Allen is obviously a controversial figure, with some people having written him off as nothing more than an over-privileged kiddie-fiddler whose very career is an insult to his alleged victim. Others cite the intensive investigation and lack of conclusive evidence as proof that he should be treated as both an innocent man and the film-making and comedic genius that he quite clearly is. I developed my love of Woody Allen last year in which a casual enjoyment of Annie Hall turned into a full blown 'crack-head in a door way level' of obsession with his career. I don't want to accuse a victim of abuse of being a liar, but nor would I like to think of an innocent man as being a sly and unrepentant child-fucker. The fact of the matter is however that none of us know the truth and most likely never will. I therefore exist in a Schroedinger's Box of Allen's alleged nonciness. I can enjoy his movies, and if I were to ever meet him then I'd be over-joyed to ask him a million questions about his work. But if he started a childminding service and I needed somebody to look after my kid.. well, I probably would still use him in order to meet him. But I'd be suspicious.

Marvel Shows Off Its Ego

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Guardians Of The Galaxy Volume 2 has quite probably the greatest opening ten minutes of any Marvel movie yet. Beginning on Earth in a flashback sequence set in the 1980's, we see a young Kurt Russell enjoying a day out with who we know to be the mother of Chris Pratt's Peter Quill. "Hang on!", I hear you say, "As cool as Kurt Russell is, I'm pretty sure that even he has aged slightly over the last thirty years!" Well, as was the case with Downey Jr. in Civil War, Marvel seem to have access to the most cutting edge technology and have de-aged him to the point of absolute believability. I can only assume that this technology is known as "a fucking time-machine" because, trust me, it's fucking crazy how good it is. I'm one of those people who spent their teenage years shunting nights out looking for pubs that might serve my underage self in favour of nights in watching old John Carpenter movies. My younger self was what you might call 'a cool motherfucker'. As a result, the image of a younger Kurt Russell is something that I've spent so many hours staring at that it's pretty much burnt onto my fucking retina, with what we see here matching it perfectly.