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So this film picks up
one second after the previous instalment's conclusion with literally
no attempt to explain things for people who might be seeing a Hunger
Games film for the first time.
And when I say that it picks up one second after the previous
instalment's conclusion, I guess I really mean that it picks up one
second after the previous instalment just stopped. It's like watching
a film with my fucking Mum in that we'll get half way through and
then she'll make me pause the thing for about an hour to go and do
the dishes for literally no reason. But for those who need to know,
the last film was two hours of everybody talking about an upcoming
revolution, this one is them actually putting their money where their
mouth is and going out for a fight. Katniss has decided that she
wants to be the one to kill President Snow and so takes a crack-force,
A-team of soldiers to fight through the capital and to his mansion.
So essentially it makes about as much sense as seeing a soldier get
sick of the Second World War and attempt to nip things in the bud by
waltzing over to Hitler's shag-pad and putting a bullet through his
eye. Now I'm no expert on global warfare, but I suspect that's a
pretty fucking stupid idea. Having said that, I will say that
Katniss's A-team of soldiers is slightly better than we had in Saving
Private Ryan. Here she has
people like Liam Hemsworth, Mahershala Ali, and Natalie Dormer, whereas
in Saving Private Ryan, the
'elite squadron' seemed to consist exclusively of a shell shocked Paul
Giamatti and Ted fucking Danson.
So
I think we have to take two things for granted with this film; it
really is stretched out and it really didn't need to be cut in half.
In fact you could probably have merged the first two films
seems as they're pretty similar, but with biggest change being that in
the second one, Katniss is plucked to safety like one of those green
aliens in Toy story. However,
despite my rather large gripes with the now unavoidable fact that the
filmmaker's artistic ambition was completely under the control of the
cash wankers, I did enjoy this for what it was. For a start, as far as
mainstream movies with their eye on the teen market go, this one does
seem to have some desire to deal with issues relatable to our modern
world. In fact, without meaning to give anything away, Katniss doesn't
really seem to affect the plot of the film at all until the final
half of the third act. Instead, she's really just shot through the
cannon of war which provides her with a clear view to eventually see
what's really happening on the battlefield. I don't mean her initial
lack of impact as a bad thing either as at the very least it stopped
the film drawing to what I assumed would be a predictable conclusion. Every franchise like this seems to revolve around the actions of
'the chosen one' and so it's nice to see a film in which the agenda
of a lead individual means diddly-shit against the grand scheme of
things.
In
an attempt to be as vague as I possibly can, I also really liked the
direction that the last act seemed to take as it attempted to show
that most wars aren't simply a case of goodies versus baddies.
Absolute power corrupts absolutely, and as a standard game of Monopoly
will prove, we humans are nothing but a gang of scheming little
twats. Essentially the film seems to be arguing that the high-ground
is something that you have if you're simply the one that's currently
being shat on the most. However both side are going to have their
power-mad bastards, and both sides are going to have their obviously
innocent plebs. If you want to win a war, I guess it's inevitable that
your morals are going to end up at least as grey as an ageing
porn-star's junkie-pubes. It also continues the theme of the
Mockingjay - Part 1 in
that one of the most important things required to fight a war is a
half decent morale booster. However being that the battle is
reaching its climax, it's fun to see Katniss realise that if she dies,
her martyrdom would ironically spur the troops on even more than her
current heroics. Although if you think an army will fight harder
having seen the splayed out corpse of Jennifer Lawrence then you
should see how fucking much they'd achieve if you were to give them even a whiff of The Fappening.
Speaking
of fighting, I guess with this being the war-half of the MockingJay
choppage, you'd hope that the
action was worth the wait. Over all it's pretty fun, although the
highlight is undeniably a sequence in which our heroes run through
the capital's sewers from something even scarier than the residents'
presumably glittery posh poos. Interestingly (and thank fucking God
I did), I re-watched Part 1 in
preparation for this film and I noticed that the design of District
13 had a distinctly Alien-esque,
Nostramo vibe about it. Well,
if that was intentional, it would explain the sewer scene here which,
as well as being impressive in itself, did remind me that it's been
way over the standard month since I last watched Aliens.
Maybe the shitty cat in these
films is a reference to Ripley's Jones too, with the entire Hunger
Games franchise paying nods to
the grandmother of all female-led action movies. I
doubt it, however it does seem like that if anybody even dares to
share the films focus with Katniss then somebody from behind the
camera would shout “Get away from her you bitch!” As a result,
there are multiple on-screen deaths that I really didn't give a
solitary shit about. I think “oh well” was the closest I could
get to an emotional response when seeing some people kick the bucket,
and that was with the recurring characters. Not only that but the
newer people are given so little depth that they're really more like
attention-seeking extras. I wasn't exactly bothered when my own
granddad died, so good fucking luck trying to make me give a monkeys cock
about them.
Luckily
however, Jennifer Lawrence is as brilliant as she always has been and
really does hold everything together. Even when she's kissing both
Peeta and Gale, I can't get too mad at her for being the prick teasing
little bitch that she clearly is. I guess she doesn't know which of
the two will survive the battle, and so why not keep treating their
cocks and hearts like spinning plates on a stick and just wait to see who
falls first? The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 2 might
not have a beginning, but it sure as fuck has about a million
endings which I'm sure will mean more to the book lovers than it did
to me. There's about nine places where the credits could have faded
in, however it instead chose to drag on to the point that I was
expecting to see Samwise Gamgee wander in with that cocksucker smile
of his again. At the end of the day, this franchise has been too
frightened to stray away from its source material and too desperate
to hoover up as much money as possible before it's too late. However
despite it starting off life as a toned down version of Battle
Royale, I would still consider
myself a fan. It's a young adult franchise that focuses on the idea
of a world in which teenagers are forced to kill each other to keep
the public from rebelling. Have you seen how annoying teenagers are?
Even the oldest of them was born in the late-nineties so fuck them!
Thanks for reading motherfucker, and see you next time.
You can visit the blog picture artist at _Moriendus_
You can visit the blog picture artist at _Moriendus_
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