Do you ever have one of those bruises that hurts to touch and yet you can't help but poke it anyway? Well, because I'm asking, I obviously do however I also kind of extend that destructive mentality into other aspects of my life. For example; I hate Piers Morgan with an absolute passion and yet I follow him on twitter. It's not that I want to contact him but instead, I get a small amount of pleasure from being pissed off with whatever shit the puffy, faced, gooch-wart has just tweeted. It's the same again for this fat cunt I know at my work who thinks he's my boss but really isn't. I won't say his name for fear of him getting me fired again so let’s just say that he's a work-shy hypocrite, with zero people skills and a weird vendetta against me. Oh, and his names Mike. Anyway anytime me and him have gotten into a dispute, the first thing I do afterwards is tell my friends about it when I get home. Whenever I'm reciting the twattish ways in which the thick, man-boobed bastard has spoken to me, I start to get genuinely wound up to the point where I know I'm going to start bleeding from my ears soon. Despite being filled with a seriously murderous rage though I still enjoy telling it. Maybe being able to recite the stories by passionately overusing the word ‘fucktard’ is therapeutic or maybe I'm just a sucker for psychological self-harm.
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| Primary Objective: Get 10p for a cup of tea. |
The reason I say that the film is like an
enjoyable bruise-poke is because it's clearly designed to annoy the viewer. The
rich are depicted as being either greedy and sociopathic or simply oblivious
and shallow. If you wanted to draw a picture that would best demonstrate the
main metaphor of the film then I guess you could draw Donald Trump and Paris
Hilton as giants, just shitting all over the public. On Earth, Damon is simply
trying to get by and yet anybody with any authority over him treats him like
crap for no reason other than that they can. Maybe it was just me but seeing
him get so badly mistreated was really about as annoying as getting a spicy
thorn jammed into the end of your cock. However, like the arguments with my non-boss,
the pleasure of seeing Damon abused is in the knowledge that soon he'll have
the release of venting his anger. Whereas all I can do is wish cancer on the
hateful fucktard at work, Damon simply goes apeshit, starts ripping off robots
heads and exploding people’s faces. There's no denying that after seeing him
get his arm broken by the police, watching Damon later going mental with a fuck
off laser gun was quite satisfying.
As an action film, this is definitely light
years ahead of some of the turgid dross that is shat into cinemas on a regular
basis, however as a sci-fi it has one interesting issue. Generally films are
criticised because they have very little to say other than, “give us your
fucking money”. Despite the backlash, I remain a fan of Star Trek: Into
Darkness but I'll still admit that the only original message that it really
had was, “aren't Alice Eve's tits nice”. However the problem with Elysium is
that perhaps it has too much going on to the point where nothing gets explored
quite enough. As well as commenting on the huge divide in wealth it also
touches on immigration, the recession, healthcare and totalitarianism. Any one
of these things could have provided the focus of the film but instead they're
all just background details to help build up the feeling of crappiness for life
in the future. I mean, I would rather have a film with too many ideas than one
with too few but I guess, ‘too much’ of anything is kind of a problem. Don't forget
that on top of this there's also all the cool sci-fi shit to get into as well!
The point is that a lot of ideas are great but it's a shame when their quantity
is at the expense of really investigating any one of them completely. Imagine
it like a locked-up brothel in Amsterdam in which several unobtainable but
proper gorgeous whores are standing in the window trying to entice you in. It's
not that you don't appreciate them being there but what you really want is the
door unlocked so you can get wrist deep into just one of them. If anybody has a
less offensively misogynistic metaphor than that then please feel free to send
it in on a postcard.
Elysium is the
second feature film to be directed by Neill Blomkamp with District 9 being
the first. Although the odds are that I didn't need to tell you that,
considering the two films share so much with each other. Elysium could really
just be District 9's clone having had a shot of steroids stabbed
straight into its nut-sack. Both movies can be seen as a metaphor for the
apartheid however in the first film it was about sticking the “fooken prowns”
in camps whereas this time it's about holding the povvy-poor on shitty Earth.
Either way though, it's the same basic idea. The other link that the two films
have is that they both feature an amazing performance from the apparently
chameleonic Sharlto Copley. Fans of District 9 will remember Copley as
the Ned Flanders looking Wikkus whose life goes tits-up when he carelessly
shoots himself in the face with a shitty black can of alien jism. Here however
he is literally unrecognisable as a psychotic, trampy mercenary with a huge
sword and a massive pubey beard. I'm not exaggerating either when I say he was
unrecognisable as two of my friends apparently didn't realise it was him at
all. This is despite us having watched District 9 the night before and
him having a voice more recognisable than the sound of a following-through shart
on the bus.
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| Ah cud do weith sum fook'n 'elp with me brain pleeeese. |
So to conclude... Elysium is a great
action movie and it's nice to see a film with so many ideas. It's just a small
shame that those great ideas are so frequent and fast that it's like listening
to an over-excited autistic kid recite an encyclopedia whilst on crack. This
might not have been as amazing as District 9 but it was still very good
and a great little distraction until Blomkamp's next presumably-brainy movie
comes out. Also, who'd have thought that Matt Damon would make such a good Lex
Luthor? If the constant rumours of Mark Strong and Bryan Cranston playing the
part are anything to go by, the only criteria is apparently to have a massive
bald head and Damon does that expertly here. Elysium might not quite be as
good as District 9 but that's only because it ambitiously tries to do
more and has significantly less scenes of Copley shrieking out “Fook yooo”… however,
if you like the idea of mixing various politics themes with guns that turn
people into a bastard-puddle of blood and shit then this is certainly the film
for you.
Follow this blog or I'll fucking cut you.
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