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So I went to the cinema to see a film about the French called Les Misérables, although I should clarify that it wasn't the one about the cunt who stole a loaf of bread. Instead, this was a modern-day cop drama thing that tries to draw attention to a certain part of life and in a certain part of France. The title seems pretty apt to me though because whenever I see the French I do think 'oh look, there are the Miserables'. For me, the question isn't about why this film is called Les Misérables but rather as to why all the other french movies aren't called that as well. Except maybe Amelie which should probably just have been called The Upbeat Gnome Thief. I should clarify that I've never actually been to France and I haven't met a single french person since I was in school and they wheeled one out in class to help us learn their language. But when did that ever stop a Brit from making an unfounded and xenophobic judgement on an entire country? I can confirm that the individual in school did not find it funny when I suggested the french word for ' the pub' might, in fact, be 'la pube' and so you know. Fuck'em. They say that french is the language of love and yet every single one of their words sounds like they gave up about halfway through and just started fucking vomiting. “Bonjurghhh”, they might say before doubling over and expelling out what looks like liquid cheese. “Sacreblurrrgghh”, another will respond as a chewed up frogs leg spews back out of their mouth in a semi-digested green paste. French might be the language of love but only if the thing that you love is to be face down in the fucking toilet as your partner holds your hair back and you have to catch a breath between the fucking dry heaves.
