Due to it consisting exclusively of
scroungers, deadbeats, nutters and fuckwits, if I can avoid my mums family then
I damn-well will. However thanks to some recent bullshit I accidentally found
myself on the Facebook profile of one of my seventeen year old cousins who I'd
not laid eyes on in over a decade. Despite having refused to do a days work in
her short and pointless life, it seems that right now the fat, skanky little
tart is living freely in her own flat after having pushed offspring out from
her slutty little minge. In the job section of her profile she had simply
written, “I'm a full-time Mummy <3”, which was a sentence that annoyed me so
much that my eyes burst and sprayed blood everywhere. Between my Aunty and her
current partner, the two alpha-rats have created eleven children who, as in the
case of my teenaged cousin, have also began to pop out their own ugly, state
funded mutants. Like a plague of human filth, they breed, consume, and die
having contributed nothing to society beyond being a constant supply of
brain-dead guests for those shit chat-shows in which toothless yokels scream
blue murder at each other after stealing from people who work. Urgh... To
conclude this rant I'll get to the point... Believe it or not but the life
cycle of these parasitic clagnuts is actually encouraged by the film The
Terminator... kind of!
I'm going to hope that everybody on the
planet has seen this film although for the sake of those suffering from head
trauma, I suppose I'll do a quick recap. Basically, in the future, humanity is
at war with the machines because they're better than us and we have this pissy
little habit of not wanting to die. To try and scupper our resistance, the
robots initiate the standard war time procedure of travelling back through time
and murdering our leader’s mum Sarah Connor before she can give birth to him. I
actually think that Churchill was planning to do that to Hitler before the
Americans finally got their shit together and found some perspective. Also at
the same time as this, humanity has also sent Sarah a soldier for protection
because we need her alive and the tacky haired bitch seemed oddly
underprepared. I suppose this was back in the 80's when most women weren't
expecting to be randomly slaughtered by a naked, psychopath with bright
red-eyes... Ah who doesn't feel a tinge of nostalgia for our pre-bathsalts
days?!
 |
| Cum with me if you want to live... |
...And this is where all that stuff
regarding my useless bag-of-puss family comes into it. If you pay close
attention to Terminator 2: Judgement Day then you'll discover that it is
set ten years after the first film with Sarah Connor apparently now being
twenty-nine years old. This means that in The Terminator when she gets
boned by the scratty looking soldier, she must have only been about eighteen or
nineteen years old. Nothing wrong with that I suppose except for the fact that
she’s not in a steady relationship, she's jobless and now she's got a child to
bring up too. Who’s going to pay for that little bastard I wonder? Not only
that but because her child is meant to be Earth’s saviour, we're all meant to
be happy that this gullible mullet ends up hanging a crusty donut.
Subconsciously this film is putting into kids minds that an unplanned teen
pregnancy is both cool and acceptable...
I realise that this point is kind of
anticlimactic in comparison to the indulgently long slurry of bile about my
family at the beginning. Nor do I really believe an adult film should worry
about being watched by children. But you know... It's my blog and sometimes I
like to find reasons to call my relatives, “alpha rats” and “fuckwits”. To make
up for this I'll distract you by quickly justifying the statement about kids
being influenced by this when it is clearly a film for adults. Basically,
children are fucking devious and will get whatever they want. I wanted to see
it when I was younger and so to get around the watchful eye of my parents I
simply asked my confused nan (from dad's side) to tape it off the television
for me. She didn't know what the fuck it was and my parents didn't know what
she'd done as 'Schwarzenegger' is a difficult word to spell. For a good few
weeks I had a video lying around my room with a title written on in old lady
scribble calling it, “Some Arnold Sharonarroneger thing”. It would have been
the perfect crime had I not then spent the next few weeks finding any
opportunity to leave rooms just to have an excuse to announce, “I'll be back”.
 |
| "I yam an gooood yaactoorr" |
To kind of conclude, I guess it's
interesting to note that director James Cameron pulled the same trick with this
franchise that he did with the Alien one too. Whereas this part-one is a
kind of slasher/horror film, part-two then switched genres to become much more
focused on action. I'm still quite a fan of the shitter films that came after
those first couple and I'm quite looking forward to part five although I've no
clue what the story will be. So far for that they've just cast both John and
Sarah Connor with Sarah being interestingly younger than her son. Does this
mean that we'll be travelling back in time to meet her as a teenager again?
Possibly! The way this incestuous franchise works it really wouldn't surprise
me either if John ended up being sent back to protect her just so he could fuck
her and become his own dad. Meh, I'm optimistic either way and I guess we'll
have to just wait and see!
Follow this blog or I'll fucking cut you.
No comments :
Post a Comment