Standin' On Their Own Two Feet

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The numbering system of the Ocean's films must be really confusing to anybody who hasn't seen them, with the logical assumption being that Ocean's 8 would be a prequel to Ocean's 11. In which case I feel I should warn you now.. Ocean's 8 doesn't involve Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett running into a sex-change clinic to alter their identities with George Clooney and Brad Pitt limping out in a dress a few hours later. Although I suppose retconning the original Ocean's movies to reveal the characters were actually a devious gang of transexuals would admittedly show some balls. Literally. Rather, this new film takes place after the previous three but focuses instead on Debbie, the sister of Clooney's original Danny Ocean. Debbie, played by Sandra Bullock, is also a con-artist and thief with the film opening in much the same way as Ocean's 11 did; with her being released from prison. I'm not sure how one family could independently create two con-artists but I'm now also a lot more suspicious of whatever the fuck Clooney and Bullock were really up to at the start of Gravity. And seems as this thieving bullshit apparently runs in the family I think I'll be watching Billy Ocean a lot more closely from now on too.

Eggs And Tomatoes Are As Rotten As The World

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I really fucking wanted some scrambled eggs the other day but I knew that if I attempted to make any, I'd end up running late. Would it really be worth it? ...Almost definitely not. Anyway, so now I'm driving as quickly as I legally can with a lovely fresh bowl of scrambled egg sat next to me in the passenger seat of my car. My plan to eat the thing each time I was sat at the traffic lights was scuppered however when a little old lady pulled out in front of me and I had to hit my brakes. The car slowed with a little more force than I'd hoped for and my fucking eggs slid right out of the bowl and onto the floor. Being that the only reason I was now running late was because I was hungry, I decided to give them a try anyway. I mean, it was the passenger side floor that they'd landed on, and right at the back of the footwell, too... How dirty can that bit really be? I was barely through my first bite before I had to spit out a god-damned pebble. Here's a little tip that you might not have considered until now: don't eat scrambled eggs off the fucking floor.