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There was this one time that I was alone in
the house when suddenly somebody burst through the front door and ran straight
up the stairs. As it turned out, they desperately needed the bathroom and
didn't feel the need to shut the door behind themselves. I was therefore
treated to the sounds of a stranger shitting their guts out. I heard every
fart, every splash and every groan. There wasn't a single element of their arse
flappage that I didn't experience with crystal-clear clarity! The problem was
that I was in the room directly opposite the bathroom and so, although they
wouldn't have seen me on their trip in, they'd be looking right at me on their
way out. The only thing worse than having a stranger run into your house and
start shitting up the walls is the social awkwardness afterwards and so I
started to panic. I decided to try and shut myself in so that I'd be hidden
from view, however, because my door is annoyingly creaky, I had to time my
actions to the sound of their... noises. Do you ever have those moments where
you look at your own life and wonder “what the fuck has gone wrong?” Hiding
from a stranger as they filled the house with the stench of their own anus was
certainly one for me.
As I'm sure you'll have guessed, that
completely unrelated story brings me to the topic of The Guest. Both my
anecdote and the film involve a strange person arriving from out of the blue
and creating a hell of a lot of shit. Obviously in my case, I mean this quite
literally whereas in the film he just shoots a couple of people in the head and
then stamps on a few ankles. The Guest tells the tale of a youngish chap
named David who randomly turns up at a family’s house having just gotten out of
the army and claims to know their dead soldier son. At first he seems like the
perfect visitor, in that he's kind, helpful and has messages of love from the
child they lost. However, there's always a catch and as the bodies start
mounting up around town, there becomes a chance that David isn't exactly
everything that he's claiming to be. This is the next film from the team that
brought us You're Next and you can kind of tell. Both films are composed
of a few different genres, both are hilariously violent and both have their
tongue so far in their cheek that they look like the radiator freak from Eraserhead.
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| Captain America: Cheaper Soldier |
Whilst we're drawing comparisons, I think
there's also an element of Cape Fear as the obviously psychotic David
attempts to make the family’s daughter go all gushy in the love-organs. There
are scenes of a high-school dance going up in flames that were reminiscent of Carrie,
and even a concluding shoot-out in a fun-house maze that smacked of The
Man With The Golden Gun. As a diehard fan of the Bond series, this may have
been the moment in The Guest in which I realised just how much I was
loving it. Any film that reminds me of that time that Roger Moore pretended to
be a wax-work of himself so that he could murder a man with three nipples is
clearly doing something right in my book. Oh, and actually, going back to Carrie,
there is another reference to the remake that I actually think is The
Guests biggest problem. Chloe Grace Moretz is vastly approaching that age
where it's acceptable to fancy her and yet already she's been ruined. There's a
boy in this film that’s the fucking spitting image of her to the point that if
I was drunk enough I'd probably still consider going for it... Oh well...
that's her ruined. Never mind.
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| Starring Linda Hamilton and Chloe Grace Moretz |
I think that The Guest completely gets
away with everything it attempts and simply because of how un-seriously it
takes itself. The film knows how ridiculous it is and so, like the best of John
Carpenter, just attempts to be as absolutely fun as possible. I'm not saying
that it has the tightest script of all time but I know that I laughed more
during this film than I have done at anything to feature somebody as
ball-numbingly unfunny as Rob Schneider. Based on both this and You're Next,
I have to say that I'll be following director Adam Wingard's career a lot
more closely from now on and I already can't wait to see what he does next. The
premise of both films are fairly simple but Wingard manages dig out every
possible absurdity that he can and stick them on the screen. In You're Next we
had the innocent girl fucking up a gang of mercenaries and here we have a total
fucking head-case charming his way into the life of a quiet American family.
The scene in which David charms some girl into bed by smashing her
ex-boyfriends head through a wall is so intentionally funny because of how
intentionally stupid it is. Not only are the final words of this film some of
the finest concluding sentiments of any film but they could also be applied to
everything that we've seen since the opening title... “What the fuck”.
You can also visit the blog picture artist at _Moriendus_
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