A Girl In Love

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Weddings are a funny old thing when you think about them. On the off chance that your loved one ever finds out that you're a shitty person then a marriage is just the contract that will make it harder for them to fucking leave. It's exactly the same as taking a hostage, but if you'd decided to play the long game instead of doing the honest thing of simply bursting out of a van and throwing a sack over their fucking head. Ready Or Not is the latest film to deal with a marriage that goes instantly wrong when the bride's wedding night turns out to be a little more hardcore than she'd anticipated. For most people, this would probably involve finding out that your partner has a big old swinging cock where you'd previously hoped to find an undrawn set of beef curtains. Ugh. That was a horrible sentence to write. But in the case of Ready Or Not, the bride finds herself running around a large mansion whilst her new husband's family attempt to kill her with axes, crossbows, and shotguns. Still. It could be worse. During medieval times it was a Scottish tradition for the bride and groom to have sex right after the vows as both of their entire families would stand around and watch them. If I have to endure an embarrassing scenario in which my family witness how I deal with a 'gaping axe wound', I'd probably prefer being fucking murdered, if I'm honest.

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