I Spy With My Little Wife

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After Inglorious Basterds and Fury, Allied is another film in which Brad Pitt has some sort of issue with the Nazis. Here he must go into enemy territory and masquerade as Marion Cotillard's husband, which must be nice for him. It's good to know that the war wasn't all doom and gloom. They parade themselves as a couple in front of Nazi soldiers with the intent of killing one specific one when the time is right. Their cover must therefore be absolutely convincing as married partners, so, good for them for portraying their relationship as being one with literally fuck all chemistry. I guess they are pretending to be a newly married couple and I hear that marriage gets a bit tedious after a while. Therefore the sparks that are flying between them are flying about as effectively as a budgie chained to a bowling ball and after suffering a broken fucking wing. Eventually shit goes down, bullets start flying, and the two become a Mr and Mrs Smith for the Churchill generation... so, Mr and Mrs Schmidt, I guess.

Bloody Bold And Resolute?

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Since studying Macbeth in primary school I can't help but observe how fucking dull our current Royal Family is. Macbeth is about one mad bastard's grab for power after some local hags have put the idea into his head and his wife has started nagging him. Sure their ambitions might cause them to get a little stabby as they both turn into a couple of kill-crazy fucknuggets, but at least they're doing something interesting. I mean don't get me wrong.. I'm aware that Charles also became heir to the thrown whilst covered in blood, but that wasn't so much due to a violent battle as it was having just been birthed out of the Queen's vagina. Throughout this story Macbeth and Lady Macbeth succumb to their own bat-shittery until all around them are disillusioned, dead, or seeking revenge, but at least they've obviously been busy. The only thing that people tell me our current Royal Family do is to help bring in the tourism, but how do they do that? In this version of Macbeth the title character draws a crowd by setting an entire family on fire for no good reason and yet I've never even seen our Queen even take a fucking selfie.